How many times do you say “I love you” to your partner every day? More importantly, how often do you say it in their love language?
In the book Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that there are five ways that we express and experience love from our partner.
The Five Love Languages
- Receiving gifts – Thoughtful tokens and gestures of appreciation
- Quality time – Being together one-on-one and focused only on each other
- Words of affirmation – Encouragement, appreciation, and hearing the words “I love you”
- Acts of service – Actions that help lighten your partner’s load or brighten their day
- Physical touch – Hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, and more…
We tend to communicate our love in our own preferred love languages. For example, if you like to receive gifts, you may frequently leave surprises for your partner. Or if you appreciate physical touch, you may regularly shower your partner with hugs and kisses.
But for your partner to really feel your love, you need to express it in their love language — not your own.
What if you’re unsure what your partner’s love language is? Easy — just ask!
You may learn that they don’t know either. And that’s okay. Interview them to find out what you’ve done in the past that made them feel loved.
Make lists of those things together. And then exchange them. You’ll each have this list as a reference for actions to repeat — and a jumping off point for brainstorming even more ideas for making them feel loved.
Maybe they love being greeted with a hug and kiss every day when they come home. So you can find other opportunities to express your love with physical touch.
Or perhaps your partner appreciates that you always have their morning coffee ready. Then you can think of other acts of service to do on a regular basis.
Challenge yourself to engage in two small behaviors that speak your partner’s love language each and every day. You may be surprised by how big of a change you see in your connection to one another!
Want to learn even more about how to make your partner feel loved? Seek out relationship advice from experienced online couples therapists Norene Gonsiewski and Tim Higdon.