When a couple has been married for a long time, it’s understandable that their relationship might not look the same as when they first got married. We age. We get stuck in a routine. We get comfortable. And many of us stop having sex.

At least that’s the general view of older, long-married couples. They’re past their prime. They’re not interested in sex anymore. And they couldn’t possibly still be passionate about each other!

While there certainly are people that are content living this way, many couples that have been married for a while are still quite interested in passion, romance, and sex. And they should be! Just because you’ve reached a certain age or a certain year in marriage doesn’t mean your intimacy needs just disappear. But it might take a little extra effort on your part to keep it going or rekindle it.

So if you want to bring the intimacy and sex back into your marriage, here are a few sex tips you might want to try.

Plan a sex “date.” Planning for sex and intimacy might not feel spontaneous and romantic, but when life is constantly happening, a planned rendezvous can give you something to look forward to. Plus, it allows for you and your partner to be on the same page to be in the mood for sex.

Celebrate yourselves. Being married for a long time is an accomplishment. Especially if you still love one another and are still attracted to each other. Keep that passion alive by celebrating each other. Praise your partner. Be affectionate. Flirt. Show them that you still think they are as sexy as when you first got married.

Be equals. If one spouse feels as if they’ve been doing too much around the house or even within the marriage, sex most likely won’t happen. If the other spouse can pick up the slack, however, and share life’s burdens, sex will be easier because everything feels fair. When both spouses are contributing equally and there’s less stress, having sex might naturally come about.

Reminisce about the past. If you and your spouse have been together for a number of years, why not reminisce?  You have chosen to share your life with this person. You’ve spent numerous birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, and all kinds of events together. You likely have all kinds of wonderful memories. These memories should remind you that your marriage has lasted for a reason. You are deeply connected and bonded to your partner, which is special, romantic, and quite intimate.

Couples who are in the early years of marriage are still learning and figuring things out. Long-married couples, on the other hand, have already figured it out. They know their partners. They know what works and what doesn’t. And they know that just because they’re older or have been married for a while, their desire and passion for sex and love hasn’t gone away.

If you and your spouse want to bring sex and intimacy back into your marriage and you’re having trouble on your own, consider reaching out to a Portland marriage counselor to get your relationship back to where you want it to be.