Everyone is born with a different personality. We’re not all the same, and truly that’s a good thing. When it comes to relationships, the same rings true. We don’t bond or attach to each other in the same way. While this is also a good thing, our unique attachment styles can sometimes get in the way of our relationships progressing.

What exactly is an “attachment style”? In short, your attachment style is the way in which you bond emotionally with another human being.

It is thought that we develop these styles as children through our very first relationships with caregivers. They change and grow as we do and as we forge new relationships. There are multiple styles, and they are as individual as our personalities.

For example, your attachment style may be avoidant, anxious, or secure. While these are just a few of the ways in which we attach, it shows how wide the spectrum ranges and how much people can differ.

What Role Does Your Attachment Style Play In Relationships?


The way in which we bond with another person affects every single thing about our relationships. If you lean toward the avoidant attachment style, you may unintentionally neglect the needs of your partner. If your attachment style is anxious, you may come across as clingy or needy.

Many of us have probably experienced these things in our own relationships, but because the way that we behave and emotionally process the world around us is “normal” to us, it’s common to think that the “problem” or “fault” is with the other person. In reality, no one’s attachment style is right or wrong, but that doesn’t mean they can’t cause serious issues.

This is especially true when our attachment styles are drastically different from our partners‘, because what’s really happening is that your emotional needs are conflicting. Often, this results in relationship disarray.

How Can an Attachment Style Be Changed?


Thankfully, if you know your attachment style and its tendencies, you may be able to change the negative aspects and improve yourself and your relationships. Through hard work, love, and with a little bit of help, you may be able to recognize the signs of negative attachment, and implement a plan of action to become more secure in your relationship.

If you’re unsure of how to change your attachment style or need assistance approaching the topic with a loved one, contact a Portland marriage therapist for help and guidance. A counselor may be able to guide you to a positive change for yourself and your relationship.