I’ve heard this one way too many times in my Portland marriage counseling sessions. A wife or girlfriend will plan an intimate evening for their man, expecting that the “physical” part of the evening will lead to talking, snuggling, and bonding afterwards.

But instead of enjoying their company, the men have the audacity to fall asleep! Naturally, this often leads to worries that their men aren’t interested in them, see them only as pieces of meat, or find them boring. It’s no wonder that relationship problems frequently follow and they think they need marriage therapy. And it doesn’t matter how much the men protest that that isn’t the case—their actions seem to speak louder than their words.

Here’s the thing, though. For men, sleeping after sex is a completely natural occurrence.

Portland Marriage Counseling: Chemicals Make Men Drowsy After Sex

Both men and women experience a rush of chemicals when they orgasm, but it’s different for men than it is for women.

Sex causes women to have a burst of dopamine mixed with oxytocin. Mixing these chemicals together in our brains makes us feel like talking and snuggling up together to enjoy our loved one’s presence. That’s normal for us, and we can’t understand why men don’t want the same thing.

The reason is simple. Orgasm releases a lot more oxytocin in men, which makes them feel warm, comfortable, and sleepy. It’s not indifference that makes him nod off but science!

So the next time something like this starts to cause relationship problems for you, try Portland marriage counseling and learn to understand your other half better.