Key #2: Make Love a Verb

It’s usually way easier to tell your partner “I love you” than to do things to show that love. However, in satisfying relationships, both partners take regular action to show their love in addition to verbally expressing it. 

In our book Rock Solid Relationship: Seven Keys to Restore Your Connection and Make Your Love Last, we expand on the languages of love to include:

  • Accepting Your Partner 
  • Tenderness and Affection 
  • Affirmation, Appreciations, and Encouragement 
  • Acts of Responsibility 
  • Acts of Giving 
  • Couple Time
  • Keeping Romance Alive
  • Sex

We have had four combined decades of helping couples. Over that time, we’ve seen that each partner has specific actions that spell love. 

Do you know your own love language? Do you know your partner’s? Do you understand how to act on that knowledge to improve your relationship?

Knowing each other’s love language is like having an “owner’s manual” for your marriage. In happy relationships, we both know what we need and understand what our partner needs. Moreover, we actually engage in those actions that spell love to our partner rather than giving them what we need.

Consider these steps to make love a verb in your relationship:

  • Determine your top two Love Languages. Consider how you like each language spoken.  If you particularly like Couple Time, how do you like to spend it? 
  • Make a list of how you like to be shown love. What caring behaviors make you the happiest?  Think of at least 10 things that your partner does or has done that make you feel loved. A mix of big and small things is good. For example, kisses on the neck and a surprise gift.
  • Interview your partner about their love language and ask them to write a caring behaviors list too. Exchange the lists and agree to do at least one per day.
  • Read our book in order to understand if you have any resistance to showing love.  Understanding why it can be hard to do is the first step toward showing more love.