“He leaves for work at 4 a.m., and he’s in a coma by 9.”
“I work late into the evening, and manage the kids’ crazy morning routine before mine.”
“We both have a lot going on right now.”
“We’re just in a slump.”
“It’s not like she’s interested when I try to make a move anyway.”
If you’ve made it past the honeymoon phase, it probably does. Experts say that at about two years in, those steamy newlywed interludes you couldn’t wait for usually begin to wane.
While a metric ton of reasons exist for why it’s easier to pass on sex, one thing is certain: the longer you wait to address yours, the more awkward it will probably get — so make haste! More importantly, maintaining intimacy is key to a lasting marriage.
Marriage Help: Put Your Relationship First
Most of us believe our excuses are examples of “self-care.” Taking time for this is extremely important. We agree a thousand percent that not putting your own needs first can render you useless when it comes to taking care of others.
However, while it may not feel that way at first, re-committing to your relationship is part of taking care of yourself. If you want to get to a place of fun, free, and relaxing intimacy in your marriage again, you have to carve out the time to think about what your relationship needs.
For instance, when clients are concerned because their marriage seems to have become a sexless one, the first question we ask is “what’s your bedtime routine?” Nearly every answer involves some iteration of why they go to sleep at different times – often to different rooms.
Our advice? You already know…
Go to Bed at the Same Time
Have you ever heard Dr. William Doherty’s line, “The first phase of a dance is being on the dance floor together at the same time?” It’s obvious when it’s written in black and white, but sometimes it takes that facepalm reminder, and that’s okay.
It’s why we’re writing it down!
Imagine what a little time cuddling close every evening could do for your connection. What you do to rekindle the flame will entirely depend on the specific reasons you’re not having sex, but there are a thousand tiny shifts in your perspective and actions that you can make to help you set your marriage ablaze again.
If you like this idea and want more marriage help, reach out to relationship counselors Norene Gonsiewski or Tim Higdon to learn more ways to make a spark. In the meantime, trust us when we say that making the conscious decision to return your focus to your relationship is a sure-fire way to start.